Waiting at SFO

for my flight back to New York, then Kuwait. I woke up this morning to the coffee pot making (what seemed like) extra liquid sounds. It interrupted some dream about floating rafts on the Great Lakes, and Barbie.

I've actually had an excellent morning. The storm that is supposed to dump 10' of snow in the Sierra's by Saturday night has held off, looks like it will hold off until after 12 noon, by which time I will be halfway to New York. Goodbyes and Check-In's all in order, no doubling back for a missed passport or missed clothing. Either they don't have the Middle East Special for security or I'll do it in New York, but that was smooth too. A good, CHEAP breakfast (with bacon and sourdough toast; I stroked them lovingly and said goodbye before stuffing them whole in my mouth) and then an excellent bookstore where they had a nice selection of books. True, the one I picked out cost a depressing amount, and reads like Science 1A at University, but maybe I'll get some teaching ideas out of it.

So I'm here at the gate, watching the clouds roll in over Half Moon Bay and Highway 92. I'm pleased that I got as much done as I did, but of course disappointed that it still wasn't all I wanted to do. There were more and more people I wanted to see...

Back to Marriage.

I was married once, briefly. Then I stopped. The reasons are simple but would take an entire blog post to do it justice.

I've been in several long term relationships, where being married simply wasn't an option. Again, the reasons are simple but would take an entire...you get it.

Relationships and the people you relate to, how you make friends and lovers is a ceaseless topic of interest among my friends in Kuwait. Weather you were raised with the idea of Arranged Marriage (K.) Eternal Marriage (me) Successful Love Marriage (Ka.), how we do it and make it last is a huge question. Cross Cultural, same culture, same gender cross cultural, are you giving up too much of yourself? Not enough? Want kids? No kids? Got kids? Willing to change (aka "Sell Out" to the dominant paradigm? To "The Man"? To an "Institution"? To bitchin' Tax Breaks?)? How much of yourself are you giving up? Will you find it again at 2AM ten years later, or when you walk in on your spouse on the toilet for the first time (or both?)

Right now, everyone's parents are seeing Empty Nest in full swing. No matter who you talk to, their parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, In Laws are looking, looking at each other for the first time in 20 or 30 years. Not over the head of a child or lessons or homework or carpooling. Some go looking for things to hold them together- V. mentioned her parents got a dog for that reason, and take it to Dog Shows. Some (like N's father and stepmother, about 3 years ago) simply drift apart and let the certificate hold them together. My own parents have opposite work shifts, stay in the same house but never see each other. My uncle is a Trucker, comes home once a month for a few days.

I talk to my Assistant, A. One of the loveliest, kindest women I've had the fortune to meet. She's from Islamabad (stuck there now), 23, has a 6 month old daughter and loving husband. She was educated in a Convent, went to University, and her marriage was arranged through a family friend when she left University. She has never been to the United States, and she asks questions about dating and having a boyfriend, because she's never done either one. She talked on the internet for a year to her (would be) husband, and then they were married. She's genuinely happy, can't fathom any other way to be. In the Middle East, you love the person you marry. You don't marry the person you love.

In that light, Pan Dyrektor and his...V. will certainly be very happy. They will slog it through, and grit their teeth, and barring any exposure to US Culture be quite successful with raising beautiful children in a tapioca colored world.

I talk to R___, and see her daughter and grandson, and her 25 years with her husband, and how vivid and original and interested she is in life and how happy she is ("You know, that's really relative gurl") and yes, the same end can be achieved through different means. Look at Ka__'s parents.

I spent two weeks with P & B, who just celebrated 10 years on New Year's Eve. They've had some trouble- the premature birth of their daughter, the death of another. And they slog it through too.

I've met countless lesbian and gay couples, who end up together for 15+ years. Couples unable to marry, yet slogging it through in absence of any social or cultural or financial support. And happy.

So what do I think about marriage?